How To Bully Proof Your Child

By Charles Neighbors, College and Career Advisor, Maplewood, NJ

The advice I gave both my delicate daughters was this: There are three ways to deal with bullies. Each of them except the last involves humor. Mostly, this is aimed toward elementrary and middle school kids. We’ll get to the high schoolers later.

1) If someone tries to tease you in a mean way you don't like, just smile, turn away and go to some other kids you like.

2) If he or she follows you, turn to him, step toward him and say: "Why are you being so silly? So silly that I just have to laugh at you. Hahahahaha."

Bullying among teens is another and more dangerous matter because it can involve sexual innuendoes, and escalating violence or worse. With increased use of text messages, and other more deviant uses of the internet including Facebook, Twitter, and other so-called kid-friendly sites, bullying has moved on line and has become, for that reason, an even more deadly pursuit.

For girls and boys who become bully targets (they seem to be almost a "class" of kids), their best bet is school authorities, provided their school treats bullying seriously (not all do).

Number 1: Tell your parents.

Number 2: Tell the principal and your guidance counselor (if you trust him or her).

Number 3: Call the cops. And maybe your lawyer. Do not be afraid to report bullying to your local police department. Bullying, even for juveniles, is taken seriously (most of the time) by police, because there have been too many cases where it escalated into deadlier territory. And documented bullying online can be cause for lawsuits against the perpetrators and the parents, both civil and criminal.

Lately, there have been more instances of bullying by girls toward weaker boys and to other girls--for the usual reasons: power, money, jealousy, and envy. The three remedies above will work for either gender of bullies.

The most important task for parents is stay connected to your kids.  Let them know you are always there for them, and do your best to be their advocates.  Bullies can ruin a school year for a kid, and can interfere with their school work and their social development.  Don’t diminish reports from your kids about bullying.  It’s serious and I see it every day that I’m walking the halls of the middle and high school.

As a teacher and counselor, I never hesitate to step into the fray and put a stop to bullying.  It takes a village, and every parent, teacher, counselor, and kid must advocate for those who are bullied.

Charles Neighbors, a Maplewood career counselor and teacher, operated four successful businesses before guiding and advising parents and students. His work involves three distinct areas: 1.) Guidance that helps children choose the classes that will best enhance their skills, then monitoring their progress through high school and even beyond. 2.) School intervention for children and parents who have experienced problems. 3.) Assistance and guidance in choosing appropriate post-secondary education, including career advice.

To schedule an appointment with Mr. Neighbors, call ccneighbors@gmail.com or 201.484.0669.